And you questioned the facial tic

There are many aspects of motherhood that feel unnatural to me to this day. Well, maybe unnatural is too strong a sentiment. Not tremendously intuitive? Less pleasurable than it seems to be for most other mothers I know?

In any event. When it comes to coordinating play dates, for instance, social awkwardness combined with mild germophobia tend to get in the way. I'm working on these issues, as I know I need to get J together more often with her friends. But something like listening to kids' music in the car with them? Sorry, that's just never going to happen.

And there are certain mundane things that wear on me. Because I'm home I am tasked with everyday chores like cleaning and going to the grocery store (though I did both when I worked outside the home, too). I don't have a problem with this division of labor - it makes sense for me to play the support role. It's just that after a while this role can feel rather unimportant in the Grand Scheme of Things. How is dusting the dining room table adding value to the world in any way, shape or form right now? How many times can I stroll through the doors of the Safeway and ponder what to make for dinner over the coming week and still remember what I learned in pricing theory class?

In fact I do remember, and I get a chuckle frequently as I fill my basket with lemons marked 3 for $2. Who came up with that? I'll show 'em. I'll buy 4 just to mess with the cashier (insert maniacal laugh here). And it's during times like these that I look around at the other women pushing carts front-loaded with screaming toddlers, women wearing sweatpants and baggage under their eyes, and think to myself, 'Am I the only one who feels like my sanity is slowly dripping out of my ears?'

Nothing makes me feel more William Foster than the music I have to endure while shopping. Speaking of enduring painful things, anyone who knows me has heard this complaint before, and I apologize to you as I'm typing this. But seriously. I walked through The Dollar Tree this morning while waiting for J to finish school, and while contemplating theme decorations for J's upcoming birthday party I had to listen to Journey's Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin', followed strangely by John Denver's Country Roads. I swear to GOD.

A woman stood not far from me with a cart full of dollar-licious items, and sang along with Steve Perry, a nostalgic smile tugging at her lips. Now why can't I be like that? Happy in the moment. Remembering all the happy times...perhaps the Sadie Hawkins dance in 8th grade? That first really bitchin' perm that made me look like Linda Ronstadt?

Unfortunately these songs, and sometimes the little trappings of my life, make me want to run screaming for the hills. I can only hope I am not alone in this surreal world of motherhood - and judging by the intelligence, wit, and general fabulousness of many of my mom-friends - others will appreciate my need to note the Worst Grocery Song of the Day.

5. Moonlight Feels Right - Starbuck
4. Just a Gigolo - David Lee Roth
3. The Longest Time - Billy Joel (sorry Lisa)
2. ANYTHING by Phil Collins (this, or heaven help us, this)
1. Silly Love Songs - Wings

It's a new list we could add to or switch up regularly for a chuckle and a euphamistic nod of understanding. What's the worst song you've had to endure lately? You know, when you were in WalMart last week, or waiting in the pediatrician's office?