Two months

Two months since my last post, and I am feeling terrible.  There have been moments of panic, moments of encouragement.  There has also been laughter, tears, fear and peace.  Today is a low point in the continuum because I truly feel robbed of all hope.  The direction of things is spiraling slowly downward and I have no control over the outcome.  I've extricated myself to a certain degree, but every time I attempt to help, I fail and make things worse.  I'm not even helping JBL, who has taken to sheltering me wherever possible.

Some look in from the outside and say, 'Things seem to be going well - she's still eating.'  But they don't know that she's backing towards the cliff again, yelling at us to let her jump.  No one seems to be doing what it takes to really help her (knowing our job is simply to administer the medicine, but that's less than 50% of the battle).  I don't know how much more I can take.