This holiday season will have me contemplating thankfulness for years to come, although I may not feel so great now. One thing is for certain, as much as I love my Silpada jewelry from JBL, the best gift - that came in wrapping paper, anyway - was music.
I am totally loving Tyler Ramsey right now. Spectacular.
Can anyone, even God, explain the power of music? It creates a space for your heart to roam free. There is no pressure, no boundaries, nothing to hold you back. And freedom lets you feel in a way you may not in every day life. Deep, broad, far and wide. Like my love for JBL.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Snowy NYE
What is it about waking up to a coating of snow that makes one feel like a child again? I was so delighted I had to come downstairs and find JBL (already working away in his office).
It is quiet and cold. Every tree's limb is delineated with an inch of white powder. The crows call to each other across the field. The sky is gray and promising.
I know as soon as J wakes up she will want to go outside and play in it. There will be angels. There will be piles gathered and mittens licked. (Do all children like to taste handfuls of snow like J? She also loves sucking on icicles like lollipops.) There will be clomping boots.
We are supposed to have rain later, and that will probably spell doom for the snow just fallen. But for now - with the Christmas tree still glowing merrily in the family room - it is a perfect winter wonderland.
It is quiet and cold. Every tree's limb is delineated with an inch of white powder. The crows call to each other across the field. The sky is gray and promising.
I know as soon as J wakes up she will want to go outside and play in it. There will be angels. There will be piles gathered and mittens licked. (Do all children like to taste handfuls of snow like J? She also loves sucking on icicles like lollipops.) There will be clomping boots.
We are supposed to have rain later, and that will probably spell doom for the snow just fallen. But for now - with the Christmas tree still glowing merrily in the family room - it is a perfect winter wonderland.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Cleaned up
It's been an effort, but we're 90% cleaned up from the big party. I say 'we', but JBL did most of it. I have helped with the more normal/boring floors and rugs, plus putting toys away in the basement.
Now the house still looks dressed for Christmas, while the bar is still set up and the decorative plates and napkins are still out. You know what it makes me think? We should have another party!
Now the house still looks dressed for Christmas, while the bar is still set up and the decorative plates and napkins are still out. You know what it makes me think? We should have another party!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Anticipation
Big party tonight. It's yet another permutation of a birthday celebration for me. Hurrah!
I bought a fancy casual outfit for said party at Ann Taylor yesterday, and feel somewhat guilty about it. I am also worried that I'll be way dressier than everyone else. But it's my party, right? And I'm only wearing jeans with a satin blouse. They may be $90 jeans, but they're still jeans. Ok, feeling guilty again.
I can't wait to see everyone, especially my best friend who lives in New Jersey. I saw her in September, but previously it had been over a year. Her visit is a gift in and of itself.
Otherwise, I just love a good party. The morning of the event is as good as Christmas eve for me. I still have a long list of things to clean, and as always, have unreasonable hopes of pre-party exercise. I'm all a-flutter with anticipation. Maybe I should get to it, rather than writing, hmmm?
I bought a fancy casual outfit for said party at Ann Taylor yesterday, and feel somewhat guilty about it. I am also worried that I'll be way dressier than everyone else. But it's my party, right? And I'm only wearing jeans with a satin blouse. They may be $90 jeans, but they're still jeans. Ok, feeling guilty again.
I can't wait to see everyone, especially my best friend who lives in New Jersey. I saw her in September, but previously it had been over a year. Her visit is a gift in and of itself.
Otherwise, I just love a good party. The morning of the event is as good as Christmas eve for me. I still have a long list of things to clean, and as always, have unreasonable hopes of pre-party exercise. I'm all a-flutter with anticipation. Maybe I should get to it, rather than writing, hmmm?
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Everything and more
Perfect Christmas.
The snow hung around until the rains hit last night, making the whole week leading up to yesterday morning's festivities post-card perfect. J absolutely loved everything about the whole process - even more so than when she was four. Every fiber in her being thrummed with excitement at seeing Christmas lights, opening the advent calendar every day, wrapping gifts for others, admiring the tree, and now playing with her presents. She is wearing her outfit from last night - she was so tired when we got home from my brother's, we just put her in bed as-is. All I see of her is a blur of hair and a bright-red Christmas shirt covered with a Flacco jersey floating by on a Razor scooter. Again and again around the house. And then there's the occasional comment.
"Mommy, I know how Santa stays warm in his sleigh."
Really? How?
"Magic!"
I think that about says it all.
The snow hung around until the rains hit last night, making the whole week leading up to yesterday morning's festivities post-card perfect. J absolutely loved everything about the whole process - even more so than when she was four. Every fiber in her being thrummed with excitement at seeing Christmas lights, opening the advent calendar every day, wrapping gifts for others, admiring the tree, and now playing with her presents. She is wearing her outfit from last night - she was so tired when we got home from my brother's, we just put her in bed as-is. All I see of her is a blur of hair and a bright-red Christmas shirt covered with a Flacco jersey floating by on a Razor scooter. Again and again around the house. And then there's the occasional comment.
"Mommy, I know how Santa stays warm in his sleigh."
Really? How?
"Magic!"
I think that about says it all.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Recently
I have been having trouble sleeping lately.
I find that I am child-like in my grumpiness when my routine is mucked with. About to hop on the treadmill, hoping that will help.
I think Christmas Eve is better than Christmas Day. Anticipation at it's peak.
I have no New Year's resolutions, but probably should. Maybe something about more creative fun with the girls. Or more concentration and improved time management. Or....what was I just saying? Oh well.
I confess I want to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Robert Downey, Jr. Yummy.
Every time I hear the story about the boy in Brazil reunited with his father, I get singing "Reunited" by Peaches and Herb. It is the reason I bought my very first album (a Time Life compilation that also included "I Want You to Want Me" by Cheap Trick - Cry! Cry! Cry!). It still kind of makes me smile.
I painted my toenails for the first time in 6 months. It's a shame I won't be wearing sandals again for a very long time. *sigh* I hate winter.
"Mommy, I know how Santa gets back up the chiminimee. He puts his finger aside of his nose." Really? Phew, holding onto magic for one more year.
I find that I am child-like in my grumpiness when my routine is mucked with. About to hop on the treadmill, hoping that will help.
I think Christmas Eve is better than Christmas Day. Anticipation at it's peak.
I have no New Year's resolutions, but probably should. Maybe something about more creative fun with the girls. Or more concentration and improved time management. Or....what was I just saying? Oh well.
I confess I want to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Robert Downey, Jr. Yummy.
Every time I hear the story about the boy in Brazil reunited with his father, I get singing "Reunited" by Peaches and Herb. It is the reason I bought my very first album (a Time Life compilation that also included "I Want You to Want Me" by Cheap Trick - Cry! Cry! Cry!). It still kind of makes me smile.
I painted my toenails for the first time in 6 months. It's a shame I won't be wearing sandals again for a very long time. *sigh* I hate winter.
"Mommy, I know how Santa gets back up the chiminimee. He puts his finger aside of his nose." Really? Phew, holding onto magic for one more year.
Monday, December 21, 2009
More J quotes
"I love Scotch tape." And she does. She has gone through 8 packages of it in the last year.
----------------------------
"Sponge Bob is a weird show. I know why Squidward is called that - he's a squid. And Sponge Bob is a sponge. Mr. Crabs [knowing look, nod]."
"But what about Patrick?" I ask.
[Far away look] "Is Patrick another word for 'starfish'?"
----------------------------
"Sponge Bob is a weird show. I know why Squidward is called that - he's a squid. And Sponge Bob is a sponge. Mr. Crabs [knowing look, nod]."
"But what about Patrick?" I ask.
[Far away look] "Is Patrick another word for 'starfish'?"
Thursday, December 17, 2009
At altitude
It's hard to believe I am back already - back to yelling to get the kids out to the bus stop on time, back to hunching over my laptop as soon as I return home, back to ignoring laundry. Just a few short days ago I had an amazing experience. So amazing that I am still struggling to process it all.
Nature tends to be a touchstone for me. When outside, whether for exercise or play with the family, I am always revitalized. Is it the air? Is it the enjoyment of life around me? I am not certain, but it's true just the same. I guess if it weren't so cold out this morning, I would go out on the deck and stare at the trees for a little so I could forget that I put J on the bus in tears. *sigh* Christmas vacation is almost here, and everyone is crawling to the finish line. But anyway.
I was ready to be bowled over by Arizona, and Arizona did not disappoint. From the windows of the airplane I began to absorb the new environment, so completely different from what I am accustomed to.
We drove up to the Grand Canyon from Pheonix. It was a haul, and one that took till after dark thanks to a morning flight delay, but it wasn't terrible. At least we got to enjoy being surrounded by cactus and palm trees before climbing into the hills at sunset.
It was pitch black and cold when we finally arrived. How cold? Well, it had been 60 when we hopped in the rental car. The car's thermometer read 4 when we pulled into the parking lot at El Tovar. There had been a storm a few days earlier, and the entire Grand Canyon park was coated in a heavy blanket of snow that made me feel like we were driving through the set of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The feeling was only heightened when I saw the hotel - over 100 years old - fully decked out with Christmas decorations and lights inside and out. Just beautiful.
Our East Coast internal clocks woke us before 6am, and we stumbled into the hotel dining room before sun-up. Over breakfast we chatted about our first hike, discussing water supplies, turn-around points, etc. I could see the light growing in the sky. JBL pointed out some huge icicles that had formed from the porch roof, visible through the plate glass window behind me. I turned to admire the scene when I realized there was enough light out now to illuminate the canyon. It was barely 50 yards away.
We scrambled to finish up and get our gear on. After a quick stop at the village shop to buy crampons and rent poles, we were off to the Bright Angel Trail. It's one of the most popular ways to get down in the canyon, and is considered fairly easy. Because of it's many 'switchbacks', the descent isn't terribly steep. But it's significant nonetheless, and with the snow and mule...er...droppings, I found the footing to be a bit of a challenge.
We hiked for SIX hours total, and didn't even get a third of the way down. Bright Angel is beautiful, and at one point I opined that it is the trail equivalent of driving Highway 1 in California: a sheer rock wall up on one side, a steep downhill on the other.
When we started off it was clear, but snow moved in by the time we climbed out. Luckily we got both stunning views of the canyon.
The next day's trek took us down the South Kaibab Trail, known for it's steep declines and panoramic views. Unexpectedly, the footing was easier on this trail - less slushy snow, and no mule poop. We didn't mind the more challenging hike - both because we were conditioned well enough, and because the views were just so incredible. One stunner after another. This trail was also much less populated, with us eeking by about half the people than we'd seen the previous day. It's relative quietness left us feeling at many points like we were the only people left on Earth.
It may sound utterly ridiculous to say this, but I could not, can not wrap my mind around the enormity of the canyon. The last photo is our lunch break on the Kaibab. We were on a ridge that jutted way out in the middle of our portion of the south rim and faced east, and that view behind me - that was what we saw in every direction we looked, as far as we could look. The beauty of the light playing against the colors of the canyon rock, reaching back billions of years, cannot be overstated. There are no words, really, to describe it. I was alternately moved to laughter and tears, literally.
After that four hour hike, and a bit of a struggle back to the rental car ("Trusty") because of the snow on the rim, we headed south to Sedona.
We arrived at dusk, so were not fully able to appreciate the scene around us. I, however, was taken aback by the lovely accommodations JBL had arranged. Enchanment Resort lives up to its name. Beautiful, tucked into the rock walls of Boynton Canyon (which made me think of Sandra Boynton books - I am a mom, after all).
The next day it rained cats-and-dogs in the morning, so we shelved our hike plans and hit the town. It was uninspiring in the wet and cold, clearly designed for warm and dry conditions with many outdoor courtyards and shops spaced far apart. I will appreciate all the art galleries and post-hippie offerings (what the heck are 'aura' photos, anyway?) if we go again in the Spring.
The afternoon was spent at the spa, and my GOD, what a spa it was. Three hours for a facial and massage? Yep, that's my idea of a good time. Dinner was casual and quiet, and drinks followed by the generous fireplace in the 'library' area between the two restaurants.
The last full day was spent mostly outdoors. I began with a run among the sage and cactus, headed back to Mii Amo for a yoga session, then grabbed JBL for a hike into Boynton Canyon. Behind the resort, the trail hunkered into a frosty forest with high red rock cliffs on either side.
After a leisurely lunch, we (sadly) packed up Trusty, and checked out, heading for one last hike. Doe Mountain. Not a real mountain, mind you, but a 'moderate' climb to a mesa outside of town with a 360-degree view of all of southern Sedona. Would it be wrong to use the term stunning again? This is when I went into full sensory overload. Long afternoon shadows, the smell of cedar, the sounds of robins, but not the same kind as live in EBF Maryland. I imagined lizards and scorpions and snakes, probably plentiful in the heat of summer.
JBL and I soaked it in one last time before heading back down to Pheonix for the night. I would have more to say about Pheonix if A) we had been there for more than 10 hours, and B) if I hadn't already been so incapacitated by all I'd seen before. Let me just say one thing, though. If you ever have a chance to stay at the Royal Palms, do not hesitate to do so. Insane.
So that was the big trip. I left 39, and came back 40. I also came back feeling changed - insignificant and soaked through with the beauty of the land out west. I can't wait to go back.
Nature tends to be a touchstone for me. When outside, whether for exercise or play with the family, I am always revitalized. Is it the air? Is it the enjoyment of life around me? I am not certain, but it's true just the same. I guess if it weren't so cold out this morning, I would go out on the deck and stare at the trees for a little so I could forget that I put J on the bus in tears. *sigh* Christmas vacation is almost here, and everyone is crawling to the finish line. But anyway.
I was ready to be bowled over by Arizona, and Arizona did not disappoint. From the windows of the airplane I began to absorb the new environment, so completely different from what I am accustomed to.
We drove up to the Grand Canyon from Pheonix. It was a haul, and one that took till after dark thanks to a morning flight delay, but it wasn't terrible. At least we got to enjoy being surrounded by cactus and palm trees before climbing into the hills at sunset.
It was pitch black and cold when we finally arrived. How cold? Well, it had been 60 when we hopped in the rental car. The car's thermometer read 4 when we pulled into the parking lot at El Tovar. There had been a storm a few days earlier, and the entire Grand Canyon park was coated in a heavy blanket of snow that made me feel like we were driving through the set of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The feeling was only heightened when I saw the hotel - over 100 years old - fully decked out with Christmas decorations and lights inside and out. Just beautiful.
Our East Coast internal clocks woke us before 6am, and we stumbled into the hotel dining room before sun-up. Over breakfast we chatted about our first hike, discussing water supplies, turn-around points, etc. I could see the light growing in the sky. JBL pointed out some huge icicles that had formed from the porch roof, visible through the plate glass window behind me. I turned to admire the scene when I realized there was enough light out now to illuminate the canyon. It was barely 50 yards away.
We scrambled to finish up and get our gear on. After a quick stop at the village shop to buy crampons and rent poles, we were off to the Bright Angel Trail. It's one of the most popular ways to get down in the canyon, and is considered fairly easy. Because of it's many 'switchbacks', the descent isn't terribly steep. But it's significant nonetheless, and with the snow and mule...er...droppings, I found the footing to be a bit of a challenge.
We hiked for SIX hours total, and didn't even get a third of the way down. Bright Angel is beautiful, and at one point I opined that it is the trail equivalent of driving Highway 1 in California: a sheer rock wall up on one side, a steep downhill on the other.
When we started off it was clear, but snow moved in by the time we climbed out. Luckily we got both stunning views of the canyon.
The next day's trek took us down the South Kaibab Trail, known for it's steep declines and panoramic views. Unexpectedly, the footing was easier on this trail - less slushy snow, and no mule poop. We didn't mind the more challenging hike - both because we were conditioned well enough, and because the views were just so incredible. One stunner after another. This trail was also much less populated, with us eeking by about half the people than we'd seen the previous day. It's relative quietness left us feeling at many points like we were the only people left on Earth.
It may sound utterly ridiculous to say this, but I could not, can not wrap my mind around the enormity of the canyon. The last photo is our lunch break on the Kaibab. We were on a ridge that jutted way out in the middle of our portion of the south rim and faced east, and that view behind me - that was what we saw in every direction we looked, as far as we could look. The beauty of the light playing against the colors of the canyon rock, reaching back billions of years, cannot be overstated. There are no words, really, to describe it. I was alternately moved to laughter and tears, literally.
After that four hour hike, and a bit of a struggle back to the rental car ("Trusty") because of the snow on the rim, we headed south to Sedona.
We arrived at dusk, so were not fully able to appreciate the scene around us. I, however, was taken aback by the lovely accommodations JBL had arranged. Enchanment Resort lives up to its name. Beautiful, tucked into the rock walls of Boynton Canyon (which made me think of Sandra Boynton books - I am a mom, after all).
The next day it rained cats-and-dogs in the morning, so we shelved our hike plans and hit the town. It was uninspiring in the wet and cold, clearly designed for warm and dry conditions with many outdoor courtyards and shops spaced far apart. I will appreciate all the art galleries and post-hippie offerings (what the heck are 'aura' photos, anyway?) if we go again in the Spring.
The afternoon was spent at the spa, and my GOD, what a spa it was. Three hours for a facial and massage? Yep, that's my idea of a good time. Dinner was casual and quiet, and drinks followed by the generous fireplace in the 'library' area between the two restaurants.
The last full day was spent mostly outdoors. I began with a run among the sage and cactus, headed back to Mii Amo for a yoga session, then grabbed JBL for a hike into Boynton Canyon. Behind the resort, the trail hunkered into a frosty forest with high red rock cliffs on either side.
After a leisurely lunch, we (sadly) packed up Trusty, and checked out, heading for one last hike. Doe Mountain. Not a real mountain, mind you, but a 'moderate' climb to a mesa outside of town with a 360-degree view of all of southern Sedona. Would it be wrong to use the term stunning again? This is when I went into full sensory overload. Long afternoon shadows, the smell of cedar, the sounds of robins, but not the same kind as live in EBF Maryland. I imagined lizards and scorpions and snakes, probably plentiful in the heat of summer.
JBL and I soaked it in one last time before heading back down to Pheonix for the night. I would have more to say about Pheonix if A) we had been there for more than 10 hours, and B) if I hadn't already been so incapacitated by all I'd seen before. Let me just say one thing, though. If you ever have a chance to stay at the Royal Palms, do not hesitate to do so. Insane.
So that was the big trip. I left 39, and came back 40. I also came back feeling changed - insignificant and soaked through with the beauty of the land out west. I can't wait to go back.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tuesday Happy
Feeling happy. Cheerios and hot coffee in a quiet house after putting a sparkling chatty J on the bus.
My schedule today includes keeping an eye on work while wrapping Christmas presents, doing laundry in anticipation of my trip to the Grand Canyon this week, and delivering cupcakes to neighbors helping with J while we're gone.
It's still snowy outside, and our enormous Christmas tree waits patiently in a bucket of water, leaning against the house down on the patio. Too big for the garage, even. Hope it doesn't freeze...
Speaking of the tree, I have no idea how we're going to get it inside. It wasn't put into one of those plastic mesh sleeves, and it's current diameter is easily three times the width of any doorway we have. The effort to bring it in will involve significant cutting to narrow the trunk for the stand, a tarp to wrap it in, lots of duct tape, and prayers. From JBL, there will be cursing. Surely help from neighbors will be called for. If only I had that Bewitched nose-twitch-magic thing...then I might actually be able to help.
Speaking of neighbors, Sarah with the Six Kids (that's usually how I refer to her, yes) has embarked on her usual winter odyssey. She informed me last night that 3 of the kids have pneumonia, and one just has a really bad cough. Having lived through last week's vomit-fest, I simply cannot fathom caring for that many children when they are that sick. How can you hold them all? How to manage to let the healthy ones sleep while the others cough all night since, as you can imagine, there are a lot of shared bedrooms? The littlest one, just 3, had chest x-rays as part of her ordeal. My hair falls out just typing that.
She manages spectacularly well - one of those women who is just a natural superstar mom. Even with her skills, I don't envy their life between November and March. Hopefully my cupcakes will brighten their morning a bit. Hopefully some of my Tuesday Happy will be delivered to them...
My schedule today includes keeping an eye on work while wrapping Christmas presents, doing laundry in anticipation of my trip to the Grand Canyon this week, and delivering cupcakes to neighbors helping with J while we're gone.
It's still snowy outside, and our enormous Christmas tree waits patiently in a bucket of water, leaning against the house down on the patio. Too big for the garage, even. Hope it doesn't freeze...
Speaking of the tree, I have no idea how we're going to get it inside. It wasn't put into one of those plastic mesh sleeves, and it's current diameter is easily three times the width of any doorway we have. The effort to bring it in will involve significant cutting to narrow the trunk for the stand, a tarp to wrap it in, lots of duct tape, and prayers. From JBL, there will be cursing. Surely help from neighbors will be called for. If only I had that Bewitched nose-twitch-magic thing...then I might actually be able to help.
Speaking of neighbors, Sarah with the Six Kids (that's usually how I refer to her, yes) has embarked on her usual winter odyssey. She informed me last night that 3 of the kids have pneumonia, and one just has a really bad cough. Having lived through last week's vomit-fest, I simply cannot fathom caring for that many children when they are that sick. How can you hold them all? How to manage to let the healthy ones sleep while the others cough all night since, as you can imagine, there are a lot of shared bedrooms? The littlest one, just 3, had chest x-rays as part of her ordeal. My hair falls out just typing that.
She manages spectacularly well - one of those women who is just a natural superstar mom. Even with her skills, I don't envy their life between November and March. Hopefully my cupcakes will brighten their morning a bit. Hopefully some of my Tuesday Happy will be delivered to them...
Thursday, December 3, 2009
But anyway
And there I was, yesterday morning, at the dreaded Food Lion buying supplies. The cashier met me with a bright smile and the usual, "How are you today?"
"I'm OK," I reply as I gaze at the items on the conveyor belt. A huge bottle of Clorox. Two boxes of jello mix. A bottle of Pedialyte. All being purchased by someone with uncombed hair at nigh 7am.
"Great! You know, I walked out of my house this morning..." she rambled on as she scanned my items.
Now, wouldn't you have expected her to put together what I had waiting for me at home? Hello?!
"I'm OK," I reply as I gaze at the items on the conveyor belt. A huge bottle of Clorox. Two boxes of jello mix. A bottle of Pedialyte. All being purchased by someone with uncombed hair at nigh 7am.
"Great! You know, I walked out of my house this morning..." she rambled on as she scanned my items.
Now, wouldn't you have expected her to put together what I had waiting for me at home? Hello?!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
This song of mine, in three-quarter time
Well, it finally happened. J threw up last night.
I know - it's not remarkable in any way. After all, she is five. Little kids get sick all the time, right? But it is remarkable, and for two reasons. One: She has never had a stomach bug of any kind. Ever. Colds? She has the market cornered on them. Otherwise, she is heretofore the healthiest girl around. This past year she also had her very first ear infection and bout of strep throat. Amazing.
Two: I have been dreading last night my entire life, so I was convinced that the event would occur much sooner with all my obsessing. As I may have mentioned before, I am positively phobic about vomiting, and would do almost anything to avoid it. Seriously. When JBL and I were just dating, and K would get the stomach flu, I would speed away in my car, shaky and distraught, and leave them alone for days. I've been known to hurriedly exit the bathroom rather than hold a girlfriend's hair after a night of too much imbibement. (On an unrelated note, I got a misspelling warning on that last word, and one of the suggestions was impalement, which was disturbing in its own right). I am getting nervous-tummy even writing about this.
And so here we are. She made it through her whole baby and toddlerhood, plus two years of preschool without stomach issues. She was as shocked as we were. Luckily for all involved, her case was short-lived, and as of 6am this morning she has been vomit-free.
I handled it as well as I would have imagined - in short, not very well. I forced myself to stay in the room as long as possible, but kept finding excuses to go and get something, or do something, even as JBL handled much of the clean-up and laundry. I only donned rubber gloves to help once during the whole affair. When she actually let go in front of me at one point, I even plugged my ears and cringed as I encouraged her with, "There! You're going to feel so much better! You're doing great!" Though I can be happy I didn't run for the hills, I wish I had been warmer about the whole thing. Closer.
I remember a lot of things about my childhood - good and bad. While my relationship with my mom was tumultuous, I can tell you she was very good at taking care of me when I was sick. I remember jello and icy-cold watermelon balls. I remember encouragement to take small sips of soda, and genuine sympathy over shakes and headaches and fever. When I was an adult and had my one taste of the flu, she came over and took my dog for me, and kept him for three days while I slept. When I was recovering, she made me homemade french onion soup (I don't like chicken noodle), calling my favorite restaurant for the recipe.
The memories of these hard times are as warm and soft as the memory around more classic family happy times like Christmas. Do you love Frank Sinatra's Christmas Waltz as much as I do? That dreamy beginning always instantly transports me back in time. I am little. The fragrant tree is tall and thick. The happy ornaments tucked in the boughs almost glow from within. The living room is dark except for the sparkling lights. There are candles on the mantle and a crackling fire in the fireplace. Frank Sinatra, Henri Mancini, Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians, and Perry Como croon to me softly from the stereo in the corner.
The flood of memories is always accompanied by a bone-deep feeling of peace and relaxation, and it was all my mom's doing - with my dad (not unusually I suppose) along for the ride. She loved the joy we experienced along with her the whole season. Watching the Nutcracker on TV. Picking out just the right tree. Cookies. Music. Local holiday light displays. You name it.
Though I hang my hat on similar memory-making, I realize there is more to being a mom. There should be, always, kind words and soft hugs. There should be favorite meals and shared play. There should be encouraging smiles and (God help me) silence and understanding. And there should be comforting touches when you are throwing up. I clearly have a lot to work on.
Still, I was gratified earlier this week when I brought up the Christmas decorations bins from the basement. The girls simply could not contain themselves. Though I had planned on opening them after lunch, K begged to open the immediately. And so she went to work. She arranged everything just-so, based on where we always put the decorations, even dragging chairs around to set snowmen and nutcrackers in high places. Meanwhile, J just pulled items out of the bins, exclaiming each time with new enthusiasm, "MOMMY! Do YOU remember THIS?! Where should we PUT THIS?!" There were contended smiles and shrieks of joy. The Christmas (excuse me, holiday) M&Ms came out. And there was a request for music.
"What shall we play?"
"Frank Sinatra!" came J's immediate reply.
"Yeah, Frank Sinatra," agreed K. And so I searched out A Jolly Christmas on the Squeezebox, and soon we were all singing along. And for a moment I was the mom I long to be.
J just woke up from her long afternoon nap, making up for last night's distress. I gave her a big bowl of strawberry jello, a small stack of Ritz crackers, and a big, warm hug.
I know - it's not remarkable in any way. After all, she is five. Little kids get sick all the time, right? But it is remarkable, and for two reasons. One: She has never had a stomach bug of any kind. Ever. Colds? She has the market cornered on them. Otherwise, she is heretofore the healthiest girl around. This past year she also had her very first ear infection and bout of strep throat. Amazing.
Two: I have been dreading last night my entire life, so I was convinced that the event would occur much sooner with all my obsessing. As I may have mentioned before, I am positively phobic about vomiting, and would do almost anything to avoid it. Seriously. When JBL and I were just dating, and K would get the stomach flu, I would speed away in my car, shaky and distraught, and leave them alone for days. I've been known to hurriedly exit the bathroom rather than hold a girlfriend's hair after a night of too much imbibement. (On an unrelated note, I got a misspelling warning on that last word, and one of the suggestions was impalement, which was disturbing in its own right). I am getting nervous-tummy even writing about this.
And so here we are. She made it through her whole baby and toddlerhood, plus two years of preschool without stomach issues. She was as shocked as we were. Luckily for all involved, her case was short-lived, and as of 6am this morning she has been vomit-free.
I handled it as well as I would have imagined - in short, not very well. I forced myself to stay in the room as long as possible, but kept finding excuses to go and get something, or do something, even as JBL handled much of the clean-up and laundry. I only donned rubber gloves to help once during the whole affair. When she actually let go in front of me at one point, I even plugged my ears and cringed as I encouraged her with, "There! You're going to feel so much better! You're doing great!" Though I can be happy I didn't run for the hills, I wish I had been warmer about the whole thing. Closer.
I remember a lot of things about my childhood - good and bad. While my relationship with my mom was tumultuous, I can tell you she was very good at taking care of me when I was sick. I remember jello and icy-cold watermelon balls. I remember encouragement to take small sips of soda, and genuine sympathy over shakes and headaches and fever. When I was an adult and had my one taste of the flu, she came over and took my dog for me, and kept him for three days while I slept. When I was recovering, she made me homemade french onion soup (I don't like chicken noodle), calling my favorite restaurant for the recipe.
The memories of these hard times are as warm and soft as the memory around more classic family happy times like Christmas. Do you love Frank Sinatra's Christmas Waltz as much as I do? That dreamy beginning always instantly transports me back in time. I am little. The fragrant tree is tall and thick. The happy ornaments tucked in the boughs almost glow from within. The living room is dark except for the sparkling lights. There are candles on the mantle and a crackling fire in the fireplace. Frank Sinatra, Henri Mancini, Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians, and Perry Como croon to me softly from the stereo in the corner.
The flood of memories is always accompanied by a bone-deep feeling of peace and relaxation, and it was all my mom's doing - with my dad (not unusually I suppose) along for the ride. She loved the joy we experienced along with her the whole season. Watching the Nutcracker on TV. Picking out just the right tree. Cookies. Music. Local holiday light displays. You name it.
Though I hang my hat on similar memory-making, I realize there is more to being a mom. There should be, always, kind words and soft hugs. There should be favorite meals and shared play. There should be encouraging smiles and (God help me) silence and understanding. And there should be comforting touches when you are throwing up. I clearly have a lot to work on.
Still, I was gratified earlier this week when I brought up the Christmas decorations bins from the basement. The girls simply could not contain themselves. Though I had planned on opening them after lunch, K begged to open the immediately. And so she went to work. She arranged everything just-so, based on where we always put the decorations, even dragging chairs around to set snowmen and nutcrackers in high places. Meanwhile, J just pulled items out of the bins, exclaiming each time with new enthusiasm, "MOMMY! Do YOU remember THIS?! Where should we PUT THIS?!" There were contended smiles and shrieks of joy. The Christmas (excuse me, holiday) M&Ms came out. And there was a request for music.
"What shall we play?"
"Frank Sinatra!" came J's immediate reply.
"Yeah, Frank Sinatra," agreed K. And so I searched out A Jolly Christmas on the Squeezebox, and soon we were all singing along. And for a moment I was the mom I long to be.
J just woke up from her long afternoon nap, making up for last night's distress. I gave her a big bowl of strawberry jello, a small stack of Ritz crackers, and a big, warm hug.
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