The key

Well, we've come a long way since that last post.  Life is fairly settled, and we're back to just worrying about the house and when we can rebuild.  Then again, that's not entirely true.  I've also been helping J deal with some crappy schoolmate drama.  Girls are MEAN - this is something I learned with K way back when she was in second grade.

I am struggling, as you might imagine, with how to Fix It, knowing of course that I can't.  The game now - heck, since the beginning of preschool - is indirect help.  Planting seeds that grow.  I want her to grow confidence and clarity and resilience.  I want her to know sometimes a good cry can help short-run, but listening to that little voice inside usually helps in the long run.  Oh, what do I know?  There are countless blogs out there with all this drivel already well in-hand, and more succinctly put, I'm sure.

Really what I wanted to capture, though, was this little ray of sunshine: J had a sweet girl choose her as her 'special valentine' at school.  I'm sure this is true world-round, that kids have to give valentines to every classmate lest anyone feel left out, but J's class also draws names to give a special valentine.  They are told to write on it 3 traits that describe this class friend.  3 things that make their special valentine, well, special.  Here is what J received, written on a piece of red construction paper festooned with candy hearts and stickers:

To: Juliet From: your special friend Jadyn R.
HELPFUL: You're a helpful girl because you make sure friends get along.
KIND TO OTHERS: You're a kind girl because you share things with others.
JOYFUL: You're a joyful girl because you're always happy.

This is, not surprisingly, how I see J every day - it's why JBL and I often refer to her as Joie de Vivre.  But the timing of this message, read first by J independent of her parents' predictable praise, was like a hug from God.  And as a completely non-religious person, I say this quite seriously.  It reiterates everything I've been telling her.  Be a good friend, and you'll make good friends.  Be yourself and people will just naturally come to you. And a million other desperate and hopeful things.  It's all true.

So fuck that snot-nosed brat who makes J (and others) feel like shit every day.  J has the key to the door that opens so she can walk away from the pain of manipulation, and it is her own heart and character.  And I'm glad it didn't take Mommy to fix it.