Mulligan

Maybe it was the weather (day 2 of morning rain), the fact that I sobbed my eyes out last night over Poltergeist (no one told me that once you become a mother, movies in which children suffer are gut-wrenchingly painful to watch), or maybe it was my interrupted sleep ("Mommy, I had an accident!" - followed by me getting back in bed and promptly worrying about things for another hour and a half), but I woke up on the Wrong Side of the Bed this morning. Despite trying to be warm and loving, offering J a special treat of leftover pancakes for breakfast, and getting home in time to make muffins before JBL woke up, I managed to put a frown on everyone's face before 9am. Thank you petulance and accusatory tones.

Oh, and I may have offended my neighbor with the flu by offering to host the Halloween party if she's still sick - you know, so we can also invite more people than she had intended to if she were hosting. Niiiiice. Man, I suck sometimes.

But the sun has come out and I am feeling repentant. Well, at least not quite as self-centered. After dropping off treats at school for the Halloween bake sale, I made a point to find J and give her a big hug. I talked nicely to JBL when I got home (hey, I can only do so much). I bought flowers for my neighbor. I am planning one of my family's favorites for dinner - burgers with my Secret Seasoning*.

Still, today feels like a bit of an uphill battle. I am reminded of J - lately when I wake her up, she hides under her blanket and pushes aways any attempt at contact as I gently try to pry her out of bed. I wish I could hide now, too, from myself.

Instead I will look outward for inspiration: I can see the sun dancing in the trees outside my kitchen window, reflecting firey yellows and oranges from the leaves now devoid of their chlorophyll. It glistens on the grass still wet from the earlier rain. It warms the room as it streams in. I am home. I am happy. It's a beautiful day. Life is good.

*It's not so secret - it's Montreal seasoning + Worcestershire sauce gently mixed into the ground beef of your choice. I don't know about you, but I am not sold on this whole 20% fat makes the best burger thing.

No coincidence

This morning it occurred to me that many of this fall's brightest, most beautiful trees already have half their leaves on the ground.

This morning it occurred to me that I will be 53 when J graduates from high school.

Perfect day

Awoken at 7:30. Told J to play on the computer so I could sleep a little longer. She tip-toed out of the room and did just as I asked. I didn't fall back to sleep, but that doesn't matter.

J and JBL ran errands, and I completed my long run in peace on the treadmill. When they came home, JBL tells me of their discussion in the drive-through line at McDonald's.

JBL: "If kids get Happy Meals, what do adults get? Angry Meals?"
J: "NO Daddy. They get Disappointed Meals."

After an hour or so of knitting while watching the first football game of the afternoon, J and I walk down the lane at the end of our street, collecting acorns in her purple bucket. We get a tour of the neighbor's tree house. We amble back in time to start dinner. The leaves of fall are bright like fire against the blue blue sky in the late afternoon sun.

Dinner is pasta with homemade marinara - a last taste of the summer sun rescued from the freezer. Sunset is a classic, with clouds turning alternately peach/orange, pink, then purple as the sun sinks behind the trees.

JBL turns up the music, an old song list, while he and J play a beloved pre-bed game as I clean up dinner.

Blessed, blessed, blessed.

Yelling

I'm not alone!

Well, which is it?

Last week I took a kickboxing class with a friend down in Columbia. Though there were periods of 'active recovery,' I was really worn out by the end. It was a full hour of high intensity work.

My friend rightly noted that classes can be much more challenging than working out to a video at home, and I agreed. The people around you bring so much energy to the room, and push you to do your best. And after all, not only are you seeing yourself in a big mirror, but lots of other people are looking at you in that mirror (and - gasp! - from behind). How can you slack?

At the end of the class, while we were all still jogging in place to cool down, the teacher - wearing one of those microphones strapped to her ear - yelled above the blaring music, "Did you give 100% today?" A roar came from the packed room, "YEAH!" She then asked, "Can you give me MORE?!" And the reply came again, "YEAH!"

"How can you give me MORE if you've already given 100%? Do the math!" she yelled.

Gotcha! That just made me laugh. I know part of the reason we said yeah was because she had mentally broken us like a drill sergeant. Throughout the class, if we weren't loud enough in counting down the remaining reps with her, or in replying to a call-out for enthusiasm, she would make us do another eight of whatever (kicks, squats, punches). So by the end we would have yelled out anything if she had asked, "Do you want to kill a puppy?!" just to keep her happy.

But our response probably would have been the same even if she hadn't been the alpha dog throughout the session. Wouldn't yours? Would you ever say in a group that you didn't fully participate? Would you ever say you wouldn't give still more? I felt chagrined, though I'm not sure why...

On fuel and foibles

Refer here for my thoughts today.

This weather

...makes me think of this song. Cool and gray.

Phew!

FOUR wheelbarrow loads down our big back hill, and the tomato reign of terror 2009 is over!

Wine notes - October 9th, and then some

We recently had some spicy meals - take-out Thai, followed by chicken stir fry - that called for a wine that could stand tall, and we found one in Tait's Ball Buster 2005. The name and its in-your-face humor give away that it's Australian, and you would therefore probably guess that it is a Shiraz blend. And you'd be right. From the Barossa Valley, the Ball Buster provides a spicy kick to the head for your palette, but thanks to the small amounts of cabernet sauvignon and merlot, it also has a round finish with underlying fruit and floral notes. I'd put it right up there with The Dead Arm for it's ability to match well with powerful and complex flavors, and would even recommend it for heavier/fattier foods like ribs. Wow!

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Earlier this week, JBL and I marked our 7-year anniversary. Seven years of wine and roses, of cooking and laughing, of loving kids and sometimes being happily without them, of being best friends. I can't put into words how happy he makes me, or how thankful I am to have him as my partner for life. Eternity is not long enough. Sorry for the sap, but may all who read this have Big Love in their lives....

Or do you prefer cole slaw?

The girls love it when JBL brings home fried chicken from the local purveyor on a random Friday night. K prefers the drumsticks, just like I did when I was little. JBL and I usually tackle the breasts. J? Well, she will tolerate the chicken. But really what she's in it for is the salad.

What kind of salad, you ask?

Why, "Acrimony Salad," of course.

(You know it's really macaroni salad, right? No, JBL did not coach her in any way on this name.)

Freedom of mind

After the world's busiest schedule last weekend, I am SO looking forward to piddling around the house this coming weekend. On my to-dos wish list:

- Clean out the garden and beds around the house, bring in the tropicals for the season and clean out the planters
- Deliver overgrown parsley to close friends
- Clean out the house - for example, do I really still need the shoes from my wedding? Does J still need her Easter dress from 4 years ago? etc.
- Clean out the garage - send JBL to the dump with all our cardboard, bring the wood bin inside, put all the outside kid toys back in their bin, etc.
- Go through all the kids' toys and summer clothes for a pre-Christmas purge/donation run
- Begin Fall Cleaning - dust the ceiling fan in the family room and chandelier in the entrance way, clean all the windows inside and out, wipe down the kitchen cabinets and scrub the floor (you know, instead of giving it a once-over with a Swiffer wipe), etc.
- Research some new fall recipes to try (or revisit old ones - we discovered quite a few last year)
- Buy pumpkins and other fall decorations with J

I don't think I'll quite get to everything, do you? But oooh, I can't wait to try! I know. I need to get out more often...

Inspiration

Would you not like to be ok?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEaz5DPmoaY