The driving rain and gusty wind will keep me off the road today, and I know that is lame, and I am trying to be OK with it. Secretly I just wanted to do weights anyway.
I am better at taking puzzles apart than putting them back together. Or at seeing what the picture actually is once the puzzle is complete. The pieces by themselves make perfect sense to me, and are beautiful. But I am aware there is a challenge I forgo, and a reward I never deserve.
I continue to feel like I am swept along in a current of time, carried by the actions of others, and only subtly steered by my own. Conversely, I worry that I have clamped down my life, with every minute controlled and molded to my exact comfort. This comfort is limiting and disappointing and not at all ambitious.
One of my greatest fears is that I am utterly unremarkable. Sometimes I see a magic me in other peoples' eyes, and feel that mirage is created by what I can offer - humor, therapy, love. Logic and words have been my only saving grace, but they have not been enough to save me. Not yet, anyway.
These words, for now, are holding me still as I watch the sheets of rain pass by my window. I will let them go and see what happens today. One more sip of tepid coffee, a nibble of a powdered sugar doughnut, and then I'll step back in the river. See you downstream.
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