What to look forward to

What do you do when you care about someone, feel some responsibility for their well-being, fear for their safety, but are essentially unable to protect them? I know this is the conundrum faced by the parents of teenagers all over the world. I do not yet have a teenager, but I know what these parents feel.

I have someone in my life, someone much older than I am, who lives on the fringes. This person is living alone but is fairly dependent on others, and the web of support is tenuous, ever-shifting. The life she has built for herself is good after many years of struggle, wild instability and loss. Even still, trouble has a way of finding her, sadly, often because of her open (naive?) heart and generous nature.

She has recently been diagnosed with a chronic condition that she is managing well, but her ability to do so requires resources she may not always have. She has also been faced with a more acute condition, and fear has kept her from making wise decisions on its treatment (in my opinion). I understand fear - I really do. And given the logistics involved in a possible hospital stay, some hesitancy is reasonable. But at the same time, these factors can't rule the day, so to speak. But I digress.

Yesterday I learned of a new random event entering the orbit of her world. A free radical swerving around her determined nucleus. She is handling it with her usual aplomb - taking advantage of a modicum of kindness offered, offering her support to people she views as disadvantaged. From the outside, the situation appears to be a train wreck at best, and life-threatening at worst.

This is now a permanent situation - the risk next door. And there's nothing I can say that she does not already know. But for her the thought of changing everything to be safer, well it's just so overwhelming that I believe she would rather live the worst-case scenario in her current world than suffer through the upheaval. Does she even picture what her life will look like ten or twenty years from now? Possibly, but part of me thinks she doesn't...can't go that far in her mind. Almost like a teenager.

It is ironic that during our visit I also learned she is struggling with the management of an elderly parent. Having lived through a similar experience, I laughed with her as she lamented the frustrating balancing act required, supporting independence and free will while being ready catch someone when they fall.

"It must be hard for him to think about giving up independent living," I said.

"I know," she replied, "but come on. This is ridiculous."

I nodded knowingly, wondering what she would say if she were her own mother, looking in on her own life.

I feel helpless. I know, I know, the right answer is to just be there for her. Keep close tabs. Support, and be ready to catch her when she falls. But come on. *sigh*