Watching

Part of being a wall flower means I get to sit back and do some serious people watching. I watch how some women dress, admiring their easy sense of style. I look at babies and wonder who they will become. Heck, some babies already look like adults - you know, in their faces. That always kind of freaks me out and amuses me at the same time. But anyway.

Sometimes I look at elderly people and imagine what they looked like when they were young. What were their great passions? What terrible things happened to them? What does it feel like inside - do they still feel like they're 28, and are surprised when they look in the mirror, like I am?

Wednesday afternoon we went to visit JBL's grandparents. Both of them are having health issues and have been in a slow decline for the past few years. Both are over 85 years old, so visits seem more important and poignant every time.

At first we went to the nursing facility where Nanny has been for some time. Her bed was empty, and my knee-jerk reaction was fear. Did she have a fall? JBL wasn't concerned so I said nothing as we then stopped in one facility restaurant after another, hoping to find them at a late lunch.

Finally we found them in the main dining room. They were at a corner table, talking quietly over half-empty glasses of wine. You would never know that Grandy has an aneurysm on his heart, or that Nanny sometimes doesn't recognize her own children. They were dressed up, and obviously happy to be sharing a fine meal together on Christmas eve. For after all, it was also their 66th wedding anniversary. They have been married almost twice as long as I've been alive.

They greeted us, and J, with delight. Have some sherbert! You should have seen the filet mignon they served - it was marvelous! Will you stay for coffee?

Grandy shared some funny stories about articles he's written for the circular published at the retirement community. Nanny asked about our plans for the rest of the holiday. I sat back as they chatted with their grandson and great-granddaughter, and read the card Grandy had given Nanny. It was every bit as romantic as the cards JBL gives me.

I closed my eyes and flew back through time. I pictured the two of them hurrying to a justice of the peace, to be joined officially forever as they had already promised in their hearts, before he was shipped off - a fighter pilot in World War II. She, a nurse, waited for him. They lived through so much afterwards. He survived being shot down over occupied France. They had 3 children, one of whom was taken from them shortly after giving birth to their first granddaughter. Their remaining children struggled with troubles over the rest of their lives. They lost a daughter-in-law. They almost lost contact with their grandson, and battle continuously to maintain the love and relationships they still have. Up until 3 years ago, they still gardened and volunteered regularly.

To this day, they still hold hands. They still share loving anniversary dinners. They still struggle with all the little things it takes to support each other - as all us old married couples do. But they also have to plan for when they are going to die, as they suspect it won't be too much longer.

I look into Grandy's eyes, and they still sparkle with life as he talks with J about her sherbert. How old does he feel inside? Is he afraid? Then he looks at me, and I see the love in his easy smile. Maybe I don't wonder after all.

But I keep watching.