Thinking about 40

My in-laws have spent the past several years celebrating with various friends as they cross the '60' border one-by-one. And now, here I am beginning the recognition of the '40' milestone amongst my closest friends and family. I am curious to find that this looming birthday is less of a big deal than I would have predicted. Maybe I never really thought about my life after, say, 35, so I have no expectations to manage. I can remember being a teenager and wondering what career path I might take, what it would feel like to be married, and wondering if I would lose my inner angst by my mid-30's. (Disappointingly, I have not.) Maybe it's because of all the people I know who already older than 40. They don't seem 'old' to me.

I have seen some women struggle with this demographic-altering birthday, filled equally with dread and anxiety. It's surprising to hear of people actually using Botox, or considering cosmetic surgery. I imagine these women to be those who worried about not having a corner office at 30. I am sad for the women who wanted to be married with kids at 25, and are somehow taken aback by how old their children are now, making them feel more like their own mothers than young, fertile creatures growing a family. I feel removed from both these camps, but maybe I'm just in denial about my place in my lifetime.

Perhaps I am unfazed because I am so damn lucky right now. Trite expressions of contentment don't even begin to cover my good fortune. And though I recognize that my life is exactly what I wanted it to be, I am also blessed with almost daily flashes of insight that make my heart and spirit feel full. What is better than being married to the absolute love of my life? Understanding what partnership means, and knowing I am part of one that is strong and enduring. What could be more of a blessing than my two beautiful, sweet girls? The challenges that motherhood has foisted on me. And yes, I mean that in a good way. I am forced out of every comfort zone I ever had by the responsibility of growing what I hope to be healthy and independent women, giving me an understanding of my true potential. Another perk is that watching children grow is like glimpsing humanity in miniature (no pun intended). Realizing the how and the why of many base human emotions has the symbiotic effect of making me more thoughtful in how I approach others in my daily life, as well as how I approach children. It's amazing, really.

These ponderings may imply that motherhood and wifehood have made me a 1000% better person. If only that were true. While I strive for my potential 'goodness', often hampered by my lack of aptitude, at least I know that I am truly a better person since risking my heart and soul to be part of this family. And now my job is no longer about me. There is no dress code, no office, no guidelines, no boss. It doesn't matter how much I weigh or how many wrinkles I have. My job is entirely about creating joy, peace, strength and security.

So, 40? Big effing deal. I have bigger fish to fry. Bring it on.