Awkward to say the least

Well, the weekend was great - totally relaxing from the start, even though J was more rattled by my departure than I thought she would be. I'll keep the memories of my overnight away in my back pocket to poke me out of my hermit habits from time to time.

Anyway.

A couple months ago, the father of one of the boys at our bus stop - a junior at J's school - approached me as I was getting back into my car. We shared some small talk as I stood, waving to J in the departing bus, holding onto my open driver's-side door. (I thought it was odd that this dad had gotten out of his car to talk to me since he normally speeds off to work as soon as his son's second foot hits the pavement.) Oh, we'd talked before. His wife is a runner like me. He went to college where JBL got his master's degree. I'd even taken his son home one day when both parents had late meetings.

But I knew something was up that morning. Suddenly, the man blurted out, "I am not a molester or anything. I just wanted you to know why I always smile at your daughter."

Now, I don't know about how you would have felt, but my reaction to that statement was a mixture of doubt in his veracity and abject fear. Adrenaline flooded my system, and everything about the moment crystallized. The dark pink of the cord holding the corporate badge around his neck became garish. I could see each individual salt-and-pepper hair of his goatee. The winter air around us smelled overwhelming. But I kept my congenial smile as he continued.

Apparently his younger sister passed away when he was 7 and she was 3. Though J is charming enough to warrant glowing smiles from any random passer-by, she especially affected this man because she reminded him of the sister he lost so long ago. As if that abrupt admission weren't awkward enough, he just kept talking - describing how he didn't want to make me uncomfortable by saying 'hi!' to her every morning, and wondering if his friendliness seemed too much.

I fumbled over myself to reassure him that his greetings were consistent with how other people approach J (she is a cute little kindergartener in a plaid uniform with a backpack as big as she is - who wouldn't smile at that?). But, really, I just wanted him to stop talking so I could get in my car and drive away quickly. And never see him again.

Eventually I was able to break away and return home. I told JBL, and mentioned it later to some friends. Everyone was shocked at the man's candor. It would be easy enough to write him off as a loon, and yet... I struggle daily with determining how I feel about him.

I mean, who would admit to being a pedophile? But then again, how sad that this man lost his sister and longs for a relationship he'll never have. And maybe he's just an awkward person. Maybe he just doesn't know how to connect with other people, or has a touch of Asperger's syndrome. I for one have no room looking disdainfully at people who say the 'wrong' thing, or won't stop talking once they've made their audience uncomfortable. The chronicles of my social ineptitudes could fill the Library of Congress.

But still. Am I going to ever let him bring J home from the bus stop (not that he's offered)? No way in hell. And how do I approach him every single day at the bus stop? So far I have subtly ignored him (so stated because I ignore everyone - I'm the mom who stays in the car rather than chatting with travel coffee mug in hand), but will smile and chat when spoken to. It's just...well... so awkward.