What I can say is that I am in an ebb period right now, and that means more energy, more motivation, and a little bit of hope. It means I can more than just remember that the therapist recommended mindfulness therapy, I can employ some of the techniques and find success. I can preempt the spiral of negative thoughts that lead me to near-implosion, at least for now.
I can't, however, say I will never feel that crushing, debilitating feeling again, and that scares me. But I won't be daunted. I will take this day and its gifts - my desire to run, my pleasure at working at home with my husband downstairs in his office, my interest in making dinner and planning the logistical efforts needed to put our house on the market. Each of these things would have been overwhelming to me just two weeks ago. The feeling, this moment, is now light and clear.
For now I am grateful and cognizant. I wait for snow and think about lighting a fire in the fireplace when I finish my long run and my work day. And I am happy.
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