Lazy tinsel*

Last night at this time, I was standing on a deserted beach, letting the waves wash over my feet and watching the moonlight on the water. I had just returned from a perfect evening at a posh restaurant (my favorite kind), with JBL and my in-laws. I had stopped outside quickly to retrieve something (a pair of flip flops?), but felt the call of the ocean. This was our last night on holiday, after all. I suspected I might not experience it again so intimately, and didn't want to squander such a special opportunity.

My girls were nestled peacefully - the little one asleep in the top bunk in her otherwise empty room, the big one watching a movie in bed in her own room - after a day of swimming in both the ocean and our house's pool. The adults were chatting contentedly over a nightcap, so there was no reason to hurry back inside. I was certain I would not even be missed. As I stepped onto the cool sand, gratitude at my good fortune washed over me as it had so frequently during this, our big summer vacation. The night was warm with a cool breeze to keep the humid air moving. The sand was at first powdery, then more thickly textured, like miniature pebbles, as I neared the water.

I tamped down an unbidden thought - it would be so easy to walk into the water and disappear. To just be gone. But no. This night was for celebrating. For embracing all the happiness that Life was heaping upon me. I stepped up to the ocean's edge and let the water comfort me, almost bath-like in its warmth. I thought of how absolutely perfect it was, as it had been for the previous day or so: calm and clear almost like the Caribbean. I gazed northward at the old munitions station, and then south toward Kitty Hawk. I watched the moon dance on the waves that moved subtly-though-relentlessly onto the beach. I heaved a heavy sigh of contentment.

The only thing missing was JBL. I imagined him joining me and simply holding my hand. I knew he would drink in the stars and the roar of the ocean as I did. I knew he would feel the night was special, almost holding its breath for me - for us. Fall and winter would come, our lives would move forward. But this moment was real and big, and quiet and soft. After a week of smiles and great food and sunshine, what more could we ever ask for?

I sighed again, and after soaking in the night for another few moments, began the inelegant trudge up the sand, back to the glowing lights behind the windows of our rented beach home. As I neared the steps that would lead to the wooden walkway across the dunes, over the pool, and back to the house, I glanced up. There was JBL, walking towards the steps. "Hey," he called softly, "what're you doing?" I smiled sheepishly in the dark, at once embarrassed that I had been gone so long without explanation, and delighted that he had sought me out.

"I was feeling the ocean. It's still so warm!"

I took his hand and lead him back to the water's edge. We held each other softly, just as I had imagined, and I felt safe and whole in his arms. We marveled at the magic of the time by the sea. We spoke of our appreciation for the day and evening just past. We breathed in each other, and the night.

If I hold anything dear in this life, it is time like this with JBL. He will always know what makes me sparkle and shine, even if he struggles to understand what tears at me. He will always seek out both just to be with me, and for that I am more than fortunate. And I will always seek out what it is that makes him tick, too, but just because I want to experience his flame for as long as I can. God knows it's easy on a starlit night by the sea... thank you God.

*This is a reference to the book I am currently enjoying, Black Swan Green, by David Mitchell.