Spiraling

I am clamping down and working today, but find the anxiety brewing to the point of being distracting. I realize that the pattern of my thinking is contributing to the level of stress I am feeling right now, and I see the spiraling Dr. Hopkins identified for me last year.

There are so many things I can't control right now, but maybe I can wrestle this one to the floor. To myself: step back when you notice you're thinking the same thought multiple times. Picture that one thought in your mind as separate from you. Is it something that can be addressed? If so, do immediately what is needed to alleviate the worry inherent in the thought. Otherwise, picture the thought moving past you. Let it go.

Example thought: My scalp is itching very distinctly again. I wonder if the lice are back.

What can be done?

A) Ask JBL to check my scalp (not really possible)

B) Do yet another Rid treatment (this will be my 5th in as many weeks)

C) Wait and see

Make a decision: Though my Rid treatment last week made the itching stop for several days entirely, now that it's back the itching may imply some nits have hatched. Then again, it could just be dry scalp. I will wait one more day before assessing if another treatment is warranted. Done. Move on.

This seems like a silly exercise, but I find that when I have too many worrying thoughts swirling in my brain, I break down functionally. Nothing overly dramatic happens. No hospital visits are required. I simply stop doing things I need to do, beginning slowly with tasks like laundry, and building up to work and family-related requirements. After a while I return to normal, but not until I have (usually) reached some painful point of depression. I cannot afford this cycle of behavior at this point. Maybe by writing this all down, I can keep the cycle from beginning today. It's all one day at a time, after all.