Buying time

Yesterday was the first of what will surely be many classmate birthday parties for J this school year. It was a sweet event hosted by a down-to-earth family for one of my favorite girls from J's kindergarten class. Even still, I tried not to be intimidated when JBL and I arrived at the end of the party.

The birthday girl's home, in a coveted area of Baltimore County, has been newly renovated. Its warm and inviting interior is tastefully decorated with a mix of modern and traditional furniture, finishes and accessories. Both daughters' rooms are thoughtfully designed and are whimsical without being cloying or gaudy. The party, after including a bead activity, and a station where the guests were pampered with manicures and pedicures, involved tea and cupcakes on beautiful serving pieces surrounded by fresh flowers and lush table linens. In addition to the usual goody bag, each attendee received a smaller cupcake to take home, stored in a pretty little box tied with a ribbon.

Need I remind myself that last year J's party included family only? Or that our recent cookout for her friends' families made me coil tensely with worry over my (then) mismatched kitchen and dilapidated basement? Surely J will begin to wonder about the differences between what she has, and what her peers have. How will that make her feel? My worries are more like twinges of concern, but surely she will feel the differences with more weight.

But on the ride home, J simply hummed happily in the back seat as she rummaged through her goody bag, and occasionally exclaimed with delight over a sticker or ribboned trinket. When I remarked that her friend's bedroom was pretty, J replied that she preferred the room of her friend's sister. No further remarks were made.

This morning she piped up over breakfast, "You know what I want for my birthday?" I steeled myself for the answer - would it be a spa party like Elle's? Would it be a redecorated bedroom? "What?" I asked. "You know," she quipped with a sparkle in her eye.

And the tight band around my heart loosened as I realized I did in fact know. "Spaghetti with Mom-Mom's meat sauce?"

"Yes!" she declared happily, rubbing her hands together in anticipation of the very common meal awaiting her more than 3 months from now. And I wonder why I ever worry. I am so goddamn lucky...